Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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