Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
