i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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