Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
