Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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