mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I smell stomach acid.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
