It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
