I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize