sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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