I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
