Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
