I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
