Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
