dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
