We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
