You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
