I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
