I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
