god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He shit in the fireplace
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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