insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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