Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
