she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
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