i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
