Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
