im drinking this country out of the recession.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
