After last night, I could never be a politician.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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