bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just forgot I was standing up.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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