Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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