Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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