soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
