He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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