he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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