Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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