dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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