Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
