i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
