Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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