I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
