Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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