dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
