you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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