uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
