So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
