My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
