i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
