a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize