I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize