I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
