i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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