At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
