i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
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He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
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I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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