I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
