hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
