Your tits are I can't wait for
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
