He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
