just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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