would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
