I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
