I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
