Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
