She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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