I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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