Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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