He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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