if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize