dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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