Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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