The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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