yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
